More Important than IQ..?

What is relationship Intelligence?
Relationship is a word that’s very familiar to everyone. However, the meaning of the word and skills to make relationships successful is not so well known. People are often saying things to each other without realising what they are really communicating.

If you think about it, relationship intelligence (RQ like IQ OR EQ) is a competency and a very powerful skill.  RQ can improve people’s lives, customer service, team-working, problem solving. Wherever people need to work together, this competency has a direct impact on stress levels, communication, reactions, creativity, problem solving, ownership and decisions.

A Useful Story

A project manager was sent to us for training after a tough situation with a customer.

He had emailed the customer to explain what they needed to do to keep their operation safe and what could go wrong if they didn’t. His intention was to help. But the email triggered a major escalation, threatening a large and valuable contract. It ended up reaching the highest levels in both organisations.

So what went wrong?

When people read emails, their emotional state affects how they interpret the message. If they're feeling stressed, angry or frustrated, even a helpful email can come across as criticism. That’s exactly what happened.

The customer read the message as an attack and not a sign of care. If he had been in a calm state of mind and thought about the PM’s good intentions, things would have played out very differently. But here’s the catch: even smart people rarely stop to consider the intention behind a message when they feel under pressure.

In this case, the PM was doing his best. He said the right things just in the wrong format. A phone call or face-to-face conversation could have avoided the entire issue.

He hadn’t been trained in how to handle situations like this. Fortunately, the story has a happy ending. At first, the customer was furious and demanded that the PM be removed from the project. But a few weeks later, he asked, “When am I getting my PM back?” He probably re-read the email once he’d calmed down and finally saw the real message: genuine concern and care.

A lesson learned.

Let’s take a look at customer service.

What employees say and what customers hear are often two very different things:

‍Employee says: “I apologise for how you feel.”
Customer hears: “You’re overreacting — and probably not very smart.”

‍Employee says: “Our policy is…”
Customer hears: “We care more about our rules than about you.”

‍Employee says: “I’ll put you through to…”
Customer hears: “I don’t care enough to help you myself.”

‍Employee says: “We’ll get back to you.”
Customer hears: “You’re not a priority.”

‍Employee says: “You should have told us that before.”
Customer hears: “This is your fault.”

Why do so many companies get this so wrong?

Because employees are often expected to handle difficult conversations with zero training in relationship intelligence or communication skills.

Most of the time, they’re not trying to be rude - they simply don’t realise how their words come across.

They’re doing their best. But without the right tools, even well-meaning people can damage trust, frustrate customers and badly hurt their brand.